You’re fed up of acting as if everything is ok-that you’re happy and content with how your life is. You know that on the outside, it looks pretty good to others-you know that because they tell you. Often. In fact, they may even be envious of what you appear to have; your home and family, a healthy income, plenty of friends, social engagement and regular holidays.
It looks good but inside it doesn't feel good. It feels as if something essential is missing. There’s a constant painful void.
And, you feel guilty. You know that you should be grateful for all that you have but often you feel just plain empty, on the verge of tears and you feel like you can't show that so you pretend to the world that all is well. You play HAPPY HAPPY!! and it’s making your face muscles ache.
Ringing true for you?
Believe it or not, you are so not alone in this. For one reason or another a big percentage of our population are putting on a front, a good show-almost fooling ourselves into the bargain that the life we’re living is bringing great joy and fulfillment. I notice it around me regularly and nearly every client that I have ever worked with has come to me wanting to acknowledge and address the aspects of their lives where they know they aren’t being truthful. ‘Such a relief’, they say, ‘to admit the truth!’
Perhaps you question whether you are just being spoiled or not? I mean, what’s wrong with you that you can’t just enjoy what’s around you-what you have designed as your life? Why can’t you be satisfied with how things are ? Compared to many you have so much.
The truth is, it doesn't matter what you have in comparison to others.
If there is something integral, something significant that appears to be not present for you, or conversely, things unwanted that are present, then there will be a consistent yearning.
If you find yourself living a life that is a direct result of having made choices according to society's standards and others expectations then you are almost living someone else's life. Certainly not your authentic one.
In effect: You are heart and soul disconnected from this life story as it is.
Of course you’re not going to feel content and satisfied! Covering up despair, unrest and deep disappointment on a daily basis is exhausting and in black and white terms, despite your best intentions, really, its tantamount to lying. And that doesn’t have a good effect on how we feel about ourselves and it means we are not free. If we’re not free, how on earth do we connect, from the heart?
So what to do?
The choice is: continue as you are, or, take courage, stand in your fire and come clean! Unless you want to live in this restricted way for the remainder of your days you need to begin to admit to first yourself and then those around you what you're really feeling about your life.
And, you aren’t doing it for sympathy or for attention. You are coming clean in order to release yourself so that you can step into a new, unknown phase with absolute honesty and humility. So that you can be your most beautiful and vibrant whole self-even if you don’t really know what this is at the moment.
It’s not just about me
Perhaps you’re concerned about how this will affect others? Your friends, parents, partner, children? How will it impact on them? Its a good question to ask but while you are doing that take some time to also consider these questions:
How is this impacting upon them now?
How does your pretending affect those around you?
What part of yourself are you keeping from those that you love-and that love you?
Have you already considered this or have you been consumed by just keeping up the show and hoping that no -one will notice? In either case, as a very first baby step in Coming Clean I invite you to write down your answers to all of these questions now to get them outside of yourself so that you can discover what is there and actually see your words on paper.
Last week, while I was in the hairdressers I read a striking article in Vanity Fair about Caitlin Jenner, the transgender woman who had been Bruce Jenner the famous Olympic athlete. At the age of 64, he finally decided that he had to publicly live his life as a woman and after extensive surgery Bruce became Caitlin. In the article, she says, “If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life.’
Our own pretence may not be so extreme but it’s all relevant.
How does that story affect you?
Does it touch a nerve in you?
Does it inspire you?
I’d really love to know your responses so please share them in the comments section below.
This draining tiredness that you feel is a sign. It’s your body telling you that all is not well. The energy isnt flowing in a way that uplifts and sustains as it does when the heart is open and we feel connected. Are you going to listen?
How much longer are you prepared to live with this heavy, weighted feeling that is pulling you down instead of lifting you up?
If, like Caitlin Jenner, you are ready to not only to let go of the pretence in your life but to also courageously and willingly address what that pretence is covering up, and you would like to do that with some dedicated support, get in touch with me here. I can offer you an intense clarity and discovery session to help you really come clean!
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photo credit h.koppdelaney-fotor